Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FUCK WHALES
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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