I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize