My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
