oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
we're so committed to being not committed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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