do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
