i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
