That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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