Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
