so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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