Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
