So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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