I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
