So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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