dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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