the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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