Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
