I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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