Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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