Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize