its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just gargled with NyQuil
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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