watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
