if i can run in heels then i can drive
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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