should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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