Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
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