Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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