awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
