How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
As shirtless as possible
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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