dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
