I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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