that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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