I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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