I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
