No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
