Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
