bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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