I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
