Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
