It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
