Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize