I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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