You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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