I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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