I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
