things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
