Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
