If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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