So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
