you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
