You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
