I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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