One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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