i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
