Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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