so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
