Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
