I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
