That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
