he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
