theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
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