once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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