Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
