I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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