At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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