sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
