Sry I called you an 8
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
