He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize