I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
