Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
