Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
