Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
