"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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