Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
