i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
