with your own penis?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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