had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
