like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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