Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Sext me about skeletons
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
