Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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