Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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