if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
