the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
No subtext here. People are naked.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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