____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
