so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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