remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
