Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
