my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
