so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
