My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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