I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
